Sunday, October 17, 2010

Where is your heart

Ain't it weird that something emotional can trigger something physical in your body. A racing heart can indicate anything from a panic disorder to something much more serious. A heart that skips a beat could be either a sign of secret affliction or it could indicate romance, the biggest trouble of all. Overall at times a heart seems to be like a box of porcelain given to us at birth.

Some handle it carefully, fearful of breaking it they don't even want to use it so they shield it with a blanket, put it in a bigger box and place it at the back corner of the closet. Every once in a while they take it out just to make sure it is still there beating before they shield it again and put it back because porcelain is vulnerable and gets easily broken.

Some don't even care about it that much. They were forced to have it and it feels strange and foreign in every way. They don't know how to communicate with it or what to use it for so they place it wherever it fits, show it to whoever wants to see it and don't worry about breaking it that much. After all, it's just a remnant they were forced to have.

Then there are people that are so, so proud of it. They know it's unique, unlike any other piece of porcelain in the entire world and they guard it with their life yet adore every inch of it. Sometimes it reminds them of something and makes them a little sad but they can still see the beauty in it all. They handle it carefully yet always putting it out for show when someone is worth it.

It seems we have no control whatsoever over our own hearts. Our condition can change without warning. Romance can make our heart pound just like panic or panic can make it stop cold in your chest. It makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and I can't help but to wonder - if heart was a concrete object outside of our bodies to be carried around with our own two hands... would we treat it differently? Would we let it go with strangers? Would we wear it on our sleeve or where would wee keep it? Would we bear to give it to anyone at all?

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Kiss & Curse

An artist sees art in their every day life - in the color of the trees as autumn arrives, in the smile of a playing child or in the puddles of the street. More than anything an artist studies life at all times. An artist is "open" for 24 hours a day.

Being an artist can be a lonely endeavor since you are usually your only collaborator, critic and cheerleader. Henry Miller said the best way to get over a woman is to turn her into literature. I think the best way to get over a man is to turn them into a painting. (Chocolate and alcohol too.) For an artist it's so easy that art starts to take over all aspects of your life. Being an artist isn't a hobby you attend twice a week, it's a way of life and thinking. While anyone can - to various extent - learn how to create a portfolio or develop a personal style, being an artist is not a choice an artist can make in passing. Being, or accepting to be an artist is a decision that requires a high level of commitment.

And I do mean art in all of its deposits; photography, music, visual arts or even theater.

Being an artist is also contradictory. Art is the only outlet for an artist yet "great art is born from great pain" has a point. That's why it can feel painful to be open 24/7. Great art can also be born from other great emotions such as happiness or love, but sadness and pain are very powerful tools and often do indeed lead to great artwork.

One of the greatest torments of an artist is developing with it all or more precisely balancing with it. I've always said I never want to be complete. If I as an artist feel like I've created an ultimate masterpiece; the "perfect" one that could never be improved upon then what would motivate me to start the next project? Yet the irony in all of this is that every artist should also feel that their last piece is their best piece until they start the next one. So, although this "always wanting more" -attitude is essential for creating art it has a dark side when it comes to your development process.

Ask any artist, at any point in their career; what are their ultimate goals? When any of those goals are met, I assure you they will set a higher goal.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

The truth about the truth

Lying is bad. Or so we are told constantly from birth; "The truth shall set you free." "Honesty is the best policy." The fact is lying is necessary for our survival. We lie to ourselves because the truth freaking hurts.

As kids we still have the luxury of blabbering out the brutal truth without even hesitating. We point at funny looking people, we ask inappropriate questions in public and we simply just don't know how to keep secrets yet. In today's world honesty is really just another level of being childish.

I've heard that it's possible to grow up, I've just never met anyone who's actually achieved that. Without parents to defy we decide to make new rules for ourselves and only so we could break them. We throw outbursts of rage when things don't go our way, we whisper secrets to our best friends in the dark, we look for comfort where we can find it and against all logic and all experience; like children, we never give up hope.

In the world of today the primary key to surviving seems to be denial, just another form of lying. We deny that we're tired or scared, we deny we have dreams or how badly we want to succeed and we apologize for tears instead of demanding apologies from the people causing them. Most importantly we even deny that we're in denial. We only see what we want to see and believe what we want to believe, we lie to ourselves so much that after a while the lies start to seem like the truth. We deny so much that we can't recognize the truth even if it's right in front of our faces.

In the end, the reality sometimes has a way of sneaking up on us and biting us in the ass. The world of pretend is a cage in where we can only lie to ourselves for so long. Despite whatever we tell ourselves we are tired and we are scared and deep inside we know that denying that doesn't change the truth. Sooner or later we have to put aside our denial and face the world. Head on, guns blazing.

Or not.

Because the truth is painful. Deep down no one wants to hear it, especially when it hits close to home. Sometimes we tell the truth because we need to say it out loud to really hear it for ourselves and sometimes we even tell the truth because we just can't help ourselves anymore. Sometimes we tell the truth because we owe someone at least that much.

People say they want the truth but do we really? No matter how hard we try to ignore or deny it, eventually the lies fall away. But here's the truth about the truth: it hurts. So we lie.