Monday, January 17, 2011

Mr(s). Brightside

It's raining outside which feels strange since it's winter. I love the sound of raindrops hitting the windowsill but I'm not used to it at this time of the year. Spring rain, summer rain and autumn rain I know but you never hear anyone talking about winter rain now do you? It's supposed to be snowy or storming. But it's raining and it's a sad rain. Kind of fits my mood at 1am as John Mayer tunes are pouring out of my music player.

My new English teacher has ten rules about when to use a comma and when not to use it. My previous teacher only had one rule; if in doubt, leave it out. Why am I writing about that? I guess I just wanted to state out that everything is relative. Did you know that a seagull - the bird that is passionately hated by every living person in this lively city of Helsinki - is actually a creature that the attendees of a Zoo in Greece are very fascinated to see. A bird that arises general disdain, hate and disgust on this side of the world is appreciated somewhere else. 

I am so ready to move on from what happened last year and leave behind the cries, the stress, the breakdowns, the overbearing loneliness and unhealthiness and bring on the new, stronger me. I am now aware of the fact that what I am is what I am at my best. Not what I am at my worst. And I miss being at my best; the unselfish, bright and shiny me is dying to get out and she's kind of a cool person. I am ready to like my life again, to make friends, to love and be loved.

Most of all I miss having butterflies in my stomach, getting to know a person inside out and loving every piece of them. It feels weird yet exciting. I think you're either born simple or you're born... me. No matter how hard I try I'm just not that simple girl, I'm not that no-feelings-type-of-girl and if I step back to take a look at the big picture it's kind of twisted that I even wish I was that no-feelings-type-of-girl. That I wish I was simpler.

It's all relative as well... I'm just awkward and that's that. I guess it's possible to be bright and shiny alongside awkward. Even if it rules out the simple.