Ever since I can remember, I have been the yes-yes-girl. I'm often scared to contradict in a conversation or to speak up if I feel I'm treated wrong. The fact is I like pleasing other people, not to be accepted but to see other people happy, I love it when people smile, I like to help people out and do nice things for them even without personal gain. I like being liked, it's easier to be in good terms with absolutely everyone than to break off a friendship just because you feel that person is treating you like an asshole.
So that's what I've done for all my while. Tagged along with other people and trying to fit in, sometimes succeeding, sometimes not so much. Sounds awful but the fact is that it has worked well. Never in my life have I lost friends after a fight, I've never infected a friendship with negativity and I've always been in good terms with everyone. Why wouldn't I be? I'm the yes-yes-girl, I'm your best friend, I will agree with you.
Until I started to say; No.
I'm tired of getting hurt. I'm tired of doing things for other people and not getting back. Even though I don't do good things just because I expect to get something in return, hell no, I hate when people do that. But in general I do expect to be respected like a decent human being, especially if I do something nice for you.
I've learned that people really don't like the word. I've lost so many friends - even the best ones - after I started saying the 'no.' With that word I became an actual person with actual opinions who actually had developed an ability to stand up for herself and to disagree. As I turned from the yes-yes-girl to the yes-no-girl, a whole person, an actual human being instead of a puppet - I was no good anymore.
This is my New Year's promise; I'll still keep saying no. I'll keep disagreeing if something's not right and I won't say yes unless I really want to. I will keep doing good things for other people but from now on I will choose very carefully who's worth it. Not a lot of people are.
XOXO
Joanna
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