Monday, April 16, 2012

The Nice Guy Paradox

Inspired by Sofia's recent posts The Girl Next Door Paradox and The Slut Paradox on her blog, I wanted to write about something I've been thinking about a lot lately. It's about the nice guys versus the bad guys conversation that's floating back and forth between the guys and the girls.

See now days the nice guys go around the internet telling how they used to be good until some girl broke their poor little heart and by all means forced them to turn into these new found assholes that hurt other girls.

I just need to tell you this; if you think you're the nice guy and believe you'd be just perfect for that one girl and you just can't wrap your head around the fact that she's ignoring you once she finally has a nice guy RIGHT HERE... that doesn't mean the picture is complete. It's creepy when you get even madder if we want to be your friend because. I bet you wouldn't have been so much happier if you would've been rejected with "Eww, no I don't want to date you and definitely NOT be your friend either."

Dear males; did you forget about the feelings? You know that stuff that's floating in your head sometimes? (If ever.) No matter how amazing you are, I cannot make myself fall in love with you. Do you actually think we want to fall in love with the bad guys? That we just can't wait to get into that messy excuse of a relationship and get our hearts smashed into those little pieces again? I personally don't scoop for the bad guys and definitely do not rule out the good ones either. I always look for that nice guy but the sad fact is that sometimes we have poor judgement and a big heart. When a guy first strikes to me as bad I still believe in them and try to look for the good on the inside. I give them a chance because they deserve one just as bad as the rest.

That's the thing with us girls, we like "healing" men. I don't judge men by their looks or shut anyone out. Nice guys don't exactly have a neon sign over their head stating what a nice guy they are, or how bad they are. You can be black, bearded, 6’5, pierced, tattooed and 300+lbs of pure intimidation and despite that be the nice guy. At the same time the blue blooded guy with a bible in his arms can be a total dick towards women.

It just isn't that black and white and people need to get over those stereotypes in good and bad. Every good looking guy might not be a jerk, some nice guy might every once in a while be good looking, every guy who's nice and good looking might not be taken, every nice, good looking, single, rich, non-cheater guy might not be gay and some day you might just get the real deal, all of the above or none of them but nevertheless everything you wanted.

TAKE NOTE: The paradox - in all of this - is the friendzone. My friendship is golden, it's not just some miserable prize that you are left with if I don't feel the same way about you and my body is definitely not your reward for good behavior. Thinking that by simply being "a nice guy" entitles you to have my love or body and that girls should use those things like doggy treats if you are a good person is ridiculous and offensive.

We fall in love with who we fall in love with. If you treat us like humans well hey, that's just great, but we definitely do not owe you for it. 

What am I in all of this? I guess this is coming from "a nice girl." I don't think I'm the prettiest girl on earth, far from it. I get nervous and less talkative when someone I consider as an interesting person is around but it isn't a sign of disregard, just rather a sign of shyness. I get awkward at times and don't know what to say but trust me when I say I try and wish I did. But I'm sincere, always, I'm honest and hurting other people is never on my list. I always try to make the person I'm with happy - this goes with friends and men and by this I do not mean satisfying people but instead somehow making their day. So no, I might not be the funniest, smartest and cutest girl but I know for damn sure I treat my men how they should be treated. So I guess I'm a nice girl.

At times a thought crosses my mind that somewhere out there might just be a man, having his morning coffee, riding his bike to work or just sleeping softly, someone who I may have not even met yet I'm going to spend my life with that person and going to be loved by him. Oh man, what significant pieces we'll be in each other's lives...

Somehow the thought of that comforts me though sometimes it makes me kind of sad. Yes, I guess that thought makes me a desperate romantic and yes, I am looking for the nice guy. And even if I have to go through all the wolves dressed in sheep's clothing and all the sheep dressed in wolves clothing (and all the not-so-nice-guys claiming to be nice guys) I am sure I will find that one person who is just a plain sheep, not the wolf. The one that is mine.

“When I was a little girl I used to read fairy tales. In fairy tales you meet Prince Charming and he's everything you ever wanted. In fairy tales the bad guy is very easy to spot. The bad guy is always wearing a black cape so you always know who he is. Then you grow up and you realize that Prince Charming is not as easy to find as you thought. You realize the bad guy is not wearing a black cape and he's not easy to spot; he's really funny, and he makes you laugh, and he has perfect hair.”
― Taylor Swift


Anonymous said...

Aw, this was a very nice post. In thought I want to put in writing like this additionally – taking time and precise effort to make a very good article… but what can I say… I procrastinate alot and not at all seem to get one thing done.

Anonymous said...

AMEN. You should get a medal for THIS!

Sofia said...

At the end of the day I'm a big romantic - I think getting married at 21 is a pretty definite proof of this - and I love the last chapter of you waiting for the perfect guy to come along. When it comes to actual relationships, not just sex, I know so many girls who get into horrible relationships with horrible men out of not wanting to be alone. Big ups to you for not being that dumb :)

And thanks for the link! xo